Well, this sucks… Long story short, I cannot speak. Which is going to make life very difficult. But it is out of my control. At least I can still type, and write, and make dumb faces. I guess if you are reading this then you care enough to try and still listen and communicate with me even though I cannot talk. Either that, or you are really bored and somehow wound up here for one reason or another.

I guess the silence isn’t what scares me, as I genuinely enjoy silence (as you may have seen in the fact that I always keep noise cancelling headphones with me everywhere I go). I have enjoyed the practice of meditation for many years now, which has brought a better peace and understanding in those silent moments…

but that was when I was alone.  I still have to live my life in the world now. I still have to commmunicate with the people who depend on me. I still have to lead those who I have been called to teach in my professional and personal life. It is overwhelming to try and sit here this morning and think about facing the world without a voice. Where do I even start?

I was up very late last night trying to come to terms with this new reality and think of how I was going to still be able to teach my photography class, coach my basketball team, communicate with my business partners, friends, and family… And I really dont know what to do. Everything in me wants to pull the car over to the side of the road. But I know I should keep going.

God has a reason for all things, and I know this is something very significant that he has written for my life. Which gives me hope, but doesnt make it any less scary. So for now all I can do is trust in Him and go out into the world as a passenger letting Him have control of the steering wheel. I guess I still have control over the gas and brake pedal. So now I have to choose which pedal to push…the gas or the brake?

My immediate thought is one of any sane person who loses control of a moving vehicle… HIT THE BRAKES! SHUT THE CAR DOWN! GET OUT AND CALL AN UBER! But if I am being honest, I know that He has a very important destination he wants to take me and the steering wheel only works when the car is in motion…

So here I go. A silent passenger in life, hoping those around me do not get afraid when they see that I no longer have ahold of the wheel. Anyone who has ever actually rode in a car with me knows I drive with my knees very often. So, maybe they will just think I am driving with my knees. Still in control. But what happens when they find out that I am not. When people really see that I have given up control and as my girl Carrie Underwood, I let “Jesus take the wheel”.

I know many people will be afraid, why wouldn’t they be. If I was driving on the interstate and saw someone not holding the handlebars on a motorcycle I would get the heck away from them as fast as possible. Its the logical thing to do. But I know that my whole life I have been driving in circles barely making forward progress, and now its time to get on the highway.

Here I am, ready to go for a drive. I hope people will still wave as I pass them by, and my passengers will trust that even though I am not holding the wheel, my GPS (God positioning system) has the destination set, and full control of the steering.

The light just turned green… as scary as it is, I am putting my foot on the gas.